Konoha Ninja Storybook of OneShots
by Hanabishi Shura
Summary: It's like it sounds! A whole book of one-shots! Theme? There is no theme! I write as the winds of insanity dictate me! One day, it'll be a twisted crackfic. Tomorrow, it might be a three-way drippy emo romance. Aaaaaaah! I am not in control of my mind!
1. What's in a Name?

**Introduction :**

Welcome to the** Konoha Ninja Storybook of One-Shots**! In this book, you will find a collection of one-shots, i.e. _single-chapter ficlets_ written by me. There is no fixed genre and these stories could range from insane crack to heavy angst and fluff. (God forbid there may even be a lemon or two). It all depends on what my bizarre mind comes up with.

The purpose of **Konoha Ninja Storybook** is to give me something silly and pointless to relax my mind with in between tackling bigger fanfics. For those of you that don't already know, I am writing a huge parody fanfic entitled **Pack Nature**. What if the Kyuubi was sealed into Kiba instead of Naruto? This fanfic is in its 18th chapter now. Yes, please check it out!

I occasionally need a refresher break between **Pack Nature**'s loaded chapters, and that is why **Konoha Ninja Storybook of One-Shots** exists. A purposeless, plotless book that frees me to write anything I feel like at any time. I hope you will enjoy it as much I am going to.

I am not insistent on reviews for this one, but please do so anyway if only to encourage others to read. Constructive criticism is always welcome. And of course ... since this is completely free of topic, devoid of rating ... please tell me things you want to see! Who knows, my creative juices might just lap it up and produce a one-shot in your honor!

Fanfiction is a world of fun. Let us share it with everyone.

By, **Hanabishi Shura**

--

_Disclaimer_ : I don't own Naruto. These one-shots are non-profit and written for personal pleasure. Any innovations and additions to the characters and plot are rightfully mine. Copy my style without prior notification and I will place a curse upon you. You will grow up and have a son that is exactly like Naruto, without the Kyuubi or the shinobi's knowledge of chakra control. You have been warned.

--

**Shura :** Since this is the first one-shot, I feel it is my right to include myself in the story.

**Naruto :** I'm the main character of the series, _dattebayo_! You _have_ to include me!

**Shura :** Evil genius and evil genius' clueless sidekick ... sure, why not? Now, all I need is a good, creative idea to get started ... _hmmmmm _...

**Naruto :** I have a great idea, _dattebayo_! Let's have a fanfic where I totally _1,000 years of pain_ Sasuke-teme and then Sakura-chan falls for me and _begs_ me to let her treat me to Ichiraku Ramen! **(**_**drools heavily**_**)** RAH-MEN, _dattebayo_! Whoooo!

**Shura :** Calm down, you prick. Unfortunately, not everyone is a fan of Squad 7. First impressions are very important so the first one-shot has to be something that just about everyone can really enjoy.

**Naruto :** _Awwww_, man! You are going to rewrite Ero-Sannin's _Icha Icha Tactics_ and cram it into a one-shot, aren't you? I know our readers are _all_ closet perverts, but _come on_!

**Shura :** It's not like that! No, it'll be something lighter and more fun. I know! Why don't we learn some Japanese?

**Naruto :** _Learning_!? I thought it was going to be _light_ and _fun_!

--

**Story I : What's In a Name?**

_Starring_ : The one and only, Naruto Uzumaki, and yours truly, Hanabishi Shura

--

**Shura :** Names are important. They are telltale insights to a person's character and tendencies. When parents have a child, they usually choose a name that means something special. It's their wish and hope that their child grows up to be truly special. So, what's in a name? Let's take this time to look at the names of several characters and see what they really mean!

**Naruto :** Alright, _dattebayo_! Let's start with Sakura-_chaaaaan_!

**Shura :** Sakura Haruno is an easy one. _Sakura_ is what they call the cherry blossom flower. Sakura trees break out in pretty pink blossoms instead of crunchy red-brown leaves in the autumn, bathing the world a bright pink hue. It's beautiful, just like our Sakura is.

**Naruto :** _Ohhhh_, yeah! (_**drools heavily**_) She's so cute, _dattebayo_! But what about her other name?

**Shura :** Well, 'haru' is the Japanese word for 'spring'.

**Naruto :** But cherry blossoms don't usually go full bloom in spring!

**Shura :** That's why this name is perfect for her. Sakura Haruno, the cherry blossom that blooms in spring. No matter what the weather is, she is beautiful all year round.

**Naruto :** _Buh-lieve it_!

**Shura :** Who's next?

**Naruto :** Sasuke-teme!

**Shura :** Ah, yes ... the infamous Sasuke Uchiha. First of all, 'sasuke' literally means 'to stab'.

**Naruto :** _Aha_! That suits him fine, _dattebayo_! Stabby, stab-stab! Stabby, stabby stab! _Hahahaha_!

**Shura :** Uchiha is more complicated ... 'Uchi' means 'family' or 'household'. So Sasuke's full name could actually mean ...

**Naruto :** _Family of backstabbers_! Oh my god, that totally fits, _dattebayo_! _Hahahahaha_!

**Shura :** If we try to be more precise, the second subject of his name ... 'Ha', means ...

**Naruto :** _Haaaaaaaaah_-HAHAHAHAHA!!

**Shura :** No, not _that_ 'ha', Naruto. 'Ha' actually means 'tooth'.

**Naruto :** _Tooth_!? So 'Uchiha' is 'family of tooth'!? That doesn't make any sense! It's more accurate to call them the 'family of _eye_', know what I mean?

**Shura :** Remember, all of this is just well-analyzed speculation. It's my best guess to the actual meanings of these names. In other words, I don't' guarantee I am 100-percent accurate.

**Naruto :** Great, okay! What about Sasuke-teme's _aniki_? I hate him too, _dattebayo_, but the _fangirls_ all want to know about it!

**Shura :** Itachi ... Another complicated name. I have to break it up. 'Ita' by itself doesn't make much sense because it translates to 'plank' or 'board'.

**Naruto :** But 'chi' is kind of fitting because it's the root subjunctive for the _kanji_ of 'blood' and _katakana_ of 'power'!

**Shura :** So, going out on a _very_ long limb here ... If 'Uchiha' is a 'house', then we can say that Itachi is that one floorboard or wall plank drenched in blood. The only member of the household with bloodlust on his mind!

**Naruto :** Believe it, _dattebayo_! This is so much fun ... Alright, now for Kakashi-sensei!

**Shura :** The closest I could come up with is 'ka-kae-shi' which literally means 'to gallop swiftly'. His family name Hattake, or 'hata-ke' actually means 'field'!

**Naruto :** _Galloping over a field_! It kinda fits coz' Kakashi-sensei is very quick and agile! Which makes it even weirder that he always takes more than three hours to get to the training grounds ...

**Shura :** Moving on quickly ... Kiba Inuzuka, the man-beast of the recon-savvy Squad 8, and also the main character of my other fanfic.

**Naruto :** Of course, everyone knows that 'inu' means 'dog'! Hahahahaha! But what about the other half of the name?

**Shura :** Well, 'zuka' is a phrase that refers to something that is 'increasing'. I guess you could stretch it a bit and say that 'Inuzuka' means to be 'increasingly dog-like'!

**Naruto :** Baka-inu! Baka-inu! Baka-inu! Hahahahaha! What does 'Kiba' mean?

**Shura :** The closest word is 'ke-eba' which actually means 'horse-racing'. If we break it up ... we get 'ki' which means a 'shoot' or 'shrub' and can also mean 'mood' or 'temperament'. And there's 'ba', which is a follow-up subject of words referring to 'places and scenes'. For example ... Ichiba, Niba, Sanba are Scene 1, Scene 2, Scene 3 respectively. Well, none of the above interpretations make any sense.

**Naruto :** No, no, no, no! I know how they make sense! It's really easy! Kiba is violent and impatient like a 'racehorse', see? He is quick to change his 'mood' and is always making a 'scene'!

**Shura :** That's stretching it really far. But anyway, let's move on to the other two significant Inuzukas in the series. 'Tsume' means 'claw', which really goes well with her personality.

**Naruto :** And 'Hana' is 'flower'! Because she's sweeter than other Inuzuka and not so quick to anger!

**Shura :** Moving on ... my fantasy wife, the characteristics of which sadly don't exist in the real world ... Hinata Hyuuga.

**Naruto :** Hinata-san! She's a _really_ weird chick, _dattebayo_! All that fainting and going red in the face! You'd think she has a very weak immune system or something; she's always getting a _fever_!

**Shura :** Naruto ... you are a great, big stupid idiot.

**Naruto :** What's _that_ supposed to mean, _dattebayo_!?

**Shura :** Anyway, 'Hinata' is a truly lovely name which aptly means 'sunshine'. The family name 'Hyuuga' is hard to translate. The closest possible phrase is 'yu-gae' which, in English, means 'steam'.

**Naruto :** So, Hinata Hyuuga equals 'steaming sunshine'!?

**Shura :** Well, I prefer to term it as 'steamy _hot_ sunshine'. She's really smokin'.

**Naruto :** Hinata-san _smokes_!? Since when!?

**Shura :** Just ... Just shut up for two seconds, will you? Let's break down the rest of the Hyuugas that we all know and love, and are jealous of for their ability to see into girls' locker rooms.

**Naruto :** Lord Hyashi Hyuuga! _Dun dun dun dun_!

**Shura :** Hinata's father, in many ways, might even be scarier than Orochimaru. At least the Snake-Sannin can smile and laugh and even crack a few bad jokes. This guy however is a total dummy! One face emotion at _all_ times! Now, there is no such word as 'hyashi' in Japanese, so let's break it up ...

**Naruto :** 'Hya-ku' is 'thousand', and 'shi' means 'death'! Oh my god ... 'a thousand deaths'! A thousand _steaming hot_ deaths! Yikes!

**Shura :** That pretty much sums up what he'd do to you if you get on his wrong side. Hinata also has a cute lil' sister by the name of Hanabi Huuga.

**Naruto :** 'Steamy hot _fireworks_'! That's what 'hanabi' means.

**Shura :** Finally, there's Neji Hyuuga. Well, 'neji' means ... it means ... (_**chokes**_) ... well, it means ... (_**giggles**_)(_**falls over**_) ... Waaaaaaaaah-hahahahahaha!!

**Naruto :** Aaaargh! (_**pulls his hair**_) Don't leave me hanging like this, _dattebayo_! What is it!? What is it!? What's it mean!? Quick, tell me!

**Shura :** Neji (_**giggles**_) ... His name means (_**snorts**_) ... (_**giggles**_) It means 'screw'!

**Naruto** **: **SCREW!? 'Neji' means 'screw'!? Oh my god, _dattebayo_! Can you hear the sound of a jillion fangirls shrieking with delight?

**Shura :** From now own, we shall always say to people ... "Hey, you! Quit _Neji_-ing around!"

**Naruto :** Or since 'fuck' is such a bad, bad word, you can say "_Neji_ you" instead!

**Shura :** What the _Neji_ are you talking about!?

**Naruto : **What's _your_ problem, _dattebayo_? _Neji_ off!

**Shura :** I'll _Neji_ your momma for that!

**Naruto :** You leave my momma out of this! You _Neji_-ing bastard!

**Shura/Naruto :** _Waaaaaaaaah-Hahahahaha_!!

**Shura :** (_**wipes eyes**_) Okay, okay ... poor Neji. Actually, the 'screw' we're referring to is the one in your dad's toolbox. But, who _cares_!? This translation is _way_ more fun!

**Naruto :** Believe it, _dattebayo_!

**Shura :** Hey, we've gone on long enough. I think that's good for a one-shot.

**Naruto :** But there are so many more names to go, _dattebayo_! You haven't even told them the meaning of _my_ name!

**Shura :** Please, don't you get it? This way, I don't even have to force them come back and read my fanfics! They will willingly support me of their own free will! Ladies and gentlemen, that's all for today. Tune in next time for more on "What's In A Name?"

**Naruto :** But that will make it a _two_-shot!

**Shura :** Who honestly cares? Now, to end, I shall present you the meaning of _my_ name ...

**Naruto :** That's not fair, _dattebayo_!

**Shura :** Hanabishi Shura ... Now, if 'hana' is 'flower' and 'hanabi' means 'fireworks', 'hanabi-_shi_' really means 'explosives', more specifically 'fire crackers'.

**Naruto :** Yeah, you're _crackers _alright ... _dattebayo_ ...

**Shura :** And 'shura' is actually a word from the Al'Quran, the holy book of Moslem religion, which means 'fiercely passionate' or 'strong commitment'. So the whole name 'Hanabishi Shura' sums up the character I want to be ... someone with an explosive and fiercely passionate sense of commitment.

**Naruto :** _Hah_! Your _Naruto_ character personality test yielded _Shikamaru_ as your match! You're a super-lazy, irritating smartass jerk! And didn't you use to be in the chess club?

**Shura : **Go away! The fanfic is over! Goodbye, everyone.

--

_Author's Note_ – All above translations are taken from various study books and _kenkyushas_ (dictionaries) on Japanese speaking and writing. As mentioned, it is all just speculation for fun. There are various dialects to the language, so I may not have caught the actual meanings. Don't take them too seriously.


	2. DOs and DONT's of Talking to Girls

Hello, people. Hope you enjoyed my first one-shot. Here's to a second. Remember to post suggestions in your reviews, but don't feel bad if I don't take up your idea. I'm human too. My creative juices won't respond to just anything.

Also, remember to read my other fanfic as well : **Pack Nature**. The story of how everything would be different if Kiba, not Naruto, had the Kyuubi sealed inside him.

**--**

**Disclaimer :**

I own a Naruto keyring. I own a Naruto pin-up poster. I own a Naruto big sticker. I own a Naruto fanart by a friend. I own the Naruto series in DVD. But I don't own Naruto.

--

**TITLE : DOs and DON'Ts of Talking To Girls **

_Starring ..._ Naruto Uzumaki , Kiba Inuzuka , Sakura Haruno, Hinata Hyuuga

--

_**Naruto**_ : Hey, Kiba? Can you teach me how to talk to girls? I really wanna ask Sakura out, but I always say something wrong and she hits _really_ hard.

_**Kiba**_ : _Heh_. So you want to be the next Casanova, _eh_? Let ol' Kiba help you out.

_**Naruto**_ : Really, really!? Let's get started, _dattebayo_!

_**Kiba**_ : Alright! Here's how we're going to do this. Hinata will my guinea pig. Just follow my lead, knucklehead.

_**Naruto**_ : Hai! Waka _dattebayo_!

--

**DO.**

**Kiba** : Hinata-chan, is your daddy a thief?

**Hinata** : Huh!? Umm ... why do you ask?

**Kiba** : Because when you were born, he stole the stars of heaven and put them into your _beautiful_ eyes.

**Hinata**: (_**blushes**_) K-Kiba-kun ...

**Kiba** : And you must take after him, baby ... you stole my heart!

**Hinata** : (_**plays with fingers**_) Oh ... Kiba-kun ...

**DON'T.**

**Naruto **: Hey, Sakura-chan! Was your daddy ever a sick rapist who fiddles with lil' kids' genitals?

**Sakura**:_ WHAT?! GO TO HELL!! _

(_**Ultimate Godaime-Style Boulder-breaking Punch !!**_)

**Naruto** : _Aaaaah_! W-Wait! I ... I was trying to make a point! Please listen! Ow ... my face ...

**The Lesson ... In a girl's world, her daddy is most likely the only man she can truly depend on. Be careful that you don't insult him.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba **: If I become Hokage, I'm gonna pass a decree to have the alphabet rearranged!

**Hinata **: What do you mean?

**Kiba **: I'll arrange it so that _I_ and _U_ can be together! _Forever_!

**Hinata** : (_**thinks about it ... understands ... blushes**_) _Oh_, Kiba-kun!

**DON'T.**

**Naruto** : Someday, I'm gonna be Hokage! I'll be the best, _dattebayo_! You wanna know the first thing I'm gonna do? I'm gonna totally rearrange the alphabet! _Believe it_!

**Sakura** : (_**sighs**_) Oh-kay, Naruto, let's hear it.

**Naruto** : Like _this_! B_,U,Q,W,E,R,T,Y,I,O,P,A,S,D,F,G,H,J,K,L,Z,X,C,V,N,M_ !!

**Sakura **: _Riiiiight_ ... And why do you want it like that? What's wrong with the old arrangement?

**Naruto** : (_**scratches head**_) Now that you mention it ... _hmmmmm_ ...

**Sakura** : (_**sighs ... punches him**_) Naruto! You are _sooooo_ irritating!

**Naruto **: _Ouch_! W-What did I do!?

**The Lesson ... Try not to be an idiot.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba** : You make me sick, Hinata-chan. _Lovesick_, that is. And I don't ever want Lady Tsunade to cure me.

**Hinata** : (_**gulps ... starry-eyed**_) K-Kiba-kun ...

**DON'T.**

_**Naruto**_ : Sakura-chan! You make me sick, _dattebayo_!

_**Sakura**_ : _Grrrr_! If it's any consolation, _so do you_!

**The Lesson ... Obviously, try not to say things that piss her off.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba** : Hinata-chan, I am convinced you are an alien being from another dimension.

**Hinata** : (_**gasps in shock**_) _D-D-Doshite_?

**Kiba** : Well, because your _beauty_ is truly _out of this world_!

**Hinata** : (_**blushes nervously**_) M-Maybe ... Maybe we are from the same home planet then?

**DON'T.**

**Naruto**: Damn, Sakura-chan, you are so _violent_! You ain't human, _dattebayo_! You're a big, freaky monster from _Jupitto_!

**Sakura** : _Raaaaah_! (_**Rib-Smashing Strike !!**_) And I'll gladly erase you and your kind from existence! Oh, and by the way ... _there is no such planet_!

**Naruto**: Ow! Man, that really hurts and I ... (_**thinks for a moment**_) ... Wait, there isn't?

**Sakura** : _Baka-Naruto_! (_**turns away**_) ... Hmph!

**The Lesson ... If you're planning on suggesting that she isn't human, make sure she knows you think of her a better creature.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba**: So Tenten's your good friend, huh? I'm sorry to say that she told me a bad lie.

**Hinata** : (_**big, scared eyes**_) She ... She did!?

**Kiba**: Well, _yeah_! She said you're pretty, but you're _not_! You're _really beautiful_! She also said I'll like you, but I _don't_! Instead, I've fallen _madly in love_!

**Hinata**: (_**giggles shyly**_) Oh, my ... I suppose I have to go scold her then.

**Kiba**: She also said that you _won't_ go out with me to the new Italian place for dinner tonight.

**Hinata** : Oh no, Kiba-kun ... that would be _the truth._

**Kiba**: (_**steps back in surprise**_) _N-Nani!?_

**Hinata** : (_**cute laugh**_) I'm kidding, Kiba-kun! What time will you pick me up?

**DON'T.**

**Naruto** : _Sakura_!! There's something I wanna say to you!

**Sakura** : What now, Naruto?

**Naruto** : I was talking to that _FUCKING_ Ino! She told me a _FUCKING_ lie! She's a _FUCKING BITCH_, d_attebayo_! She also ...

**Sakura**: _Cha_! (_**Supreme Roaring Ocean Snake Kick !!**_) Well, then _stop_ talking to Ino, _you bastard_! Stop talking to _all_ my friends! And you can forget about talking to me either, goodbye!

**Naruto** : (_**rolling on the floor**_) W-Wait! Don't you want to know what she said!? _Oh god, the pain ..._

**The Lesson ... If diamonds are a girl's best friends, then a girl's best friends are as diamonds. Precious, sacred and practically forbidden. Gentlemen ... please tread carefully.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba** : If you were a tear in my eye, I would never cry for fear of losing you.

**Hinata** : (_**blushes**_) I don't think that is something you need to worry about, Kiba-kun.

**DON'T.**

**Naruto** : If you were a booger in my nose, I'd never pick you and eat you for fear of digesting you in my stomach acids.

**Sakura** : God! Leave me alone, you disgusting freak!

**The Lesson ... If you are going to equate her to something as bizarre as your bodily excrements, make sure your choice is not completely revolting.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba** : Hinata-chan, you must be very good at handling brooms.

**Hinata** : Well, not really. Otou-sama has my serving girls do that for me. Why do you ask?

**Kiba** : Come now, you're being modest. Your beauty totally _sweeps me off my feet_!

**Hinata** : (_**blushes hard**_) You ... You are being silly ...

**DON'T.**

**Naruto** : Hey, Sakura-chan! Are you good at using brooms?

**Sakura** : Pretty basic skill really, so yeah. Who wants to know?

**Naruto **: That's great, _dattebayo_! Now I wanna marry you more than _ever_! You can sweep my floor _everyday_! _Believe it_!

(_**Ballbreaking Ultima Gunshot Fist !!**_)

**Naruto** : _Aaaaaaaah_!

**Sakura** : Just lie there and _die_! Sexist jackass! _Hmph_! (_**walks off grumpily**_)

**Naruto** : (_**twitching**_) God, I hate the feminist movement ...

**The Lesson ... Don't be a male chauvinist pig. There is a **_**reason**_** the feminists were established in the first place.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba** : (_**dashing smile**_) What do you think, Hinata-chan? Do I have a good-looking smile or what?

**Hinata** : (_**blushing**_) Umm ... why ... why yes, Kiba-kun! You must take some nice photographs.

**Kiba** : I will only smile like this if you're in the picture with me.

**Hinata** : Oh, Kiba-kun! (_**heart pumping**_) Ummm ... do you have a camera?

**DON'T.**

**Naruto** : Hey, Sakura-chan! Over here! (_**pulls open his lips**_) Look! I have healthy _gums_!

**Sakura** : _Cha_! (_**breaks all his teeth**_) Wanna make faces? Quit being a shinobi and go work in a circus! Hmph!

**Naruto** : (_**twitching**_) H-H-How am I gonna eat ramen now ... (_**sobs**_) ...

**The Lesson ... Always accentuate your most presentable features. But please, don't freak her out.**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba** : Oh, wow! Hinata-chan! You have such _big _breasts! Man, they look so _healthy_!

**Hinata** : (_**screams ... hugs herself**_) Kiba-kun! D-D-Don't say that so loud!

**Kiba** : Hehehehe ... I'm just saying. Whoever marries you will be one hell of a lucky bastard.

**Hinata** : (_**blushes heavily ... turns away**_) P-P-Please stop looking at me!

**DON'T.**

**Naruto** : Sakura-chan! What big breasts you have, _dattebayo_! I really like them, and ...

(_**Slap! Kick! Double Slap! Karate Chop! Judo Throw! Stomp!**_)

**Sakura **: Hmmmm ... (_**walks off sulking**_)

**Naruto** : (_**bleeding dangerously**_) Okay, that one _really_ hurt. Where did I go wrong now?

**The Lesson ... Don't just run your mouth off with the first compliment that comes to mind, even if it's a good one. **_**Think**_** first. Girls are sensitive beings. If you compliment her on something that isn't **_**there**_**, you **_**will **_**hurt her. (Obviously, I'm only using this to illustrate a point. Don't go declaring their breast size in public if you value your life).**

**--**

**DO.**

**Kiba : (**_**sniff ... sniff**_**) **You're so hot, you smell like freshly baked buns right out of Momma's oven!

**Hinata : (**_**blushing**_**) **Don't ... Don't talk nonsense ...

**Kiba : **My sense of smell is a hundred percent accurate, you know?

**Hinata : (**_**smiles shyly**_**) **Ummm ... do you mind if ... if I came over and tried some of those buns you were talking about?

**DON'T.**

**Naruto : **You're so hot, you smell like a sweaty male athlete!

**Sakura : **_Grrrrr_! **(**_**cracks knuckles**_**) **Five seconds and I _bitch slap_ you into the middle of next week! Start running, ramen boy!

**Naruto : **_Aiiiiiieeee_! I'm running, I'm running!

**The Lesson : The way a girl smells is a deeply personal matter. Effective if used correctly; devastating otherwise. Best avoid it unless you know what you're doing.**

--

**Kiba : **Naruto!? What the hell happened, man? You look like you fell off a cliff!

**Naruto : **(_**trembling in pain**_) I only wish I did, Kiba! Sakura ... she's a demon!

**Kiba : **What, my techniques didn't work on her? Not at all?

**Naruto : **Everything I tried just made her mad! I don't know what the hell her problem is, _dattebayo_!

**Kiba : **No worries, man! I still have a few more techniques that could ...

**Naruto : **N-No! _Please_! I'll _die_ if I do this anymore! Let's ... Let's switch partners! I'll practice on Hinata and you go tame that wild beast if you're so good at it!

**Kiba : **_Tch_ ... (_**shrugs**_) Alright, I guess.

--

**DO.**

**Sakura : (**_**notices Kiba staring at her**_**) **Hey ... what are you looking at?

**Kiba : **Why, _you _of course ... cutie.

**Sakura : (**_**blushes**_**) **Please,you're embarrassing me**.**

**Kiba : **No problem. (_**puts on some shades**_) I'll wear these, and you can _pretend_ that I'm not staring at you.

**Sakura : (**_**blushes harder**_**) **Stop it!

**DON'T.**

**Hinata : (**_**notices Naruto staring at her**_**) **Huh?Naruto-kun is staring at me!? (_**racing heartbeat**_) What do I do, what do I do!?

**Naruto : ... (**_**he's sitting down and wearing shades, by the way)**_

**Hinata : (**_**bravely walks up to him**_**) **Ummm ... H-H-Hello, Naruto-kun! How are you?

**Naruto : ... (**_**no movement whatsoever**_**)**

**Hinata : (**_**blinks**_**) **Naruto-kun**?**

**Naruto : ... (**_**anime bubble**_**) ... (**_**snores**_**) ...**

**Hinata : (**_**looks down in dejection**_**) **Oh ...

**The Lesson ... Girls might notice you any time! Stay alert for their signals! Lightning only strikes once! A chance passed is a chance that may never come again! She is not the only fish in the sea, but you are not the only kingfisher either!**

--

**DO.**

**Kiba : **So, what do you think of Akamaru, huh? You like dogs?

**Sakura : **Love them! Well, when they're puppies anyway. Akamaru kind of scares me now.

**Kiba : **I see ... so you like puppies ... (_**does some finger signs**_) ... _Beast Mimicry_!

**(**_**transforms into Akamaru, puppy version**_**)**

**Sakura : (**_**giggles**_**) **What do you think you're doing**?**

**Kiba : **(_**wags tail**_) You like puppies, don't you!? _Quick_! Take me home! Play with me! Hug me close to you and cuddle me! _Arrr ... ruff ruff_! Please? (_**whines**_)

**Sakura : (**_**explodes into laughter**_**) **Whatever you do, don't paw the furniture! My mom will freak.

**DON'T.**

**Naruto :** (_**sees Hinata walking by**_) Aha, there she is! I shall play a trick on her to make her laugh, _dattebayo_!

**Hinata : **_Lalala-lalalala_ ... huh? (_**sees a figure move from behind a building**_) Who's that?

**Naruto : **(_**transformed into Orochimaru**_) Hey, sweet cheeks ...

**Hinata : (**_**trembles violently**_**) **Oro ... Orochimaru ...

**Naruto : **I'm gonna follow you home ...

**Hinata : (**_**ear-splitting scream**_**) **_Aiyaaaaaah_! Help! Help! _Yaaaaaaah_! Help me, somebody!

**Naruto :** H-Hey, wait ...

**The Lesson ... Don't frighten the poor thing. If you want to scare her for fun, do it lightly but don't give her a heart attack. She may never, **_**ever**_** put her trust in you again. **

--

_**Kiba and Sakura stand aside and watch as Godaime appears on the scene with a company of ANBU, who waste no time in surrounding the hapless fake Sannin and beating him with prod-sticks. Kakashi and Jiraiya show up as well to give Godaime a hand, whilst Neji Hyuuga appears to take Hinata home.**_

**Neji :** Hinata-sama! She's fainted from the shock! _Medic_! Fetch me a stretcher!

**ANBU Guy : **You sonofabitch! You killed my brother in your last invasion! (_**hits him**_)

**ANBU Girl : **You killed my cousin too! Take this! (_**kicks his stomach**_)

**Naruto :** W-Wait! You got the wrong guy, I tell you! I was just ... ow, stop poking me, _dattebayo_! Let me go! I'm innocent!

**Shizune :** That's what _all_ the criminals say! You shall repent your evil deeds, Orochimaru! Where did you hide Sasuke Uchiha? Tell us now!

**Naruto :** This is all a big mistake, _dattebayo_! Grandma Tsunade! Don't you recognize me!?

**Tsunade :** So you decided to show your face after all? Do you think I'll go easy on you just because we used to be squad mates? Shizune, give Ibiki a whole hour with this guy! Take him away!

**Naruto :** No, let me go! No ... no ... noooooooo!!

**Kakashi :** (_**reading Icha Icha Tactics**_) Hmmm ... I didn't even need to put my book away this time.

**Jiraiya :** _Tsk tsk_ ... Poor fool. He must be getting senile in his old age.

_**Everyone leaves. Kiba and Sakura look at one another and sigh.**_

**Kiba :** Uhhhh ... he forgot that his _henge _is still active, didn't he?

**Sakura : **I'll say I wouldn't be surprised. Baka-Naruto.

**Kiba :** Aren't you going to tell them? He's your teammate.

**Sakura :** And why should I? He deserves it for being such a jackass!

**Kiba : **_Awwww_ ... are you feeling upset? I can cheer you up! I know I'm not Sasuke, but would you like to go to dinner with me?

**Sakura : (**_**giggles**_**) **And what makes you think I want you to be Sasuke? I think you're great just the way you are.

**Kiba : (**_**dashing grin**_**) **Well, that's good.

**Sakura **:**(**_**grabs his hand**_**)** Come on, let's go!

**Kiba :** Okay!

_**And the two of them run off into the sunset. The End.**_

--

**Notes :** Why has nobody tried writing a KibaSak fanfic!? I think there might be something there!


	3. Tsunade and Shizune

Shura : Sorry for the long layoff but as I said, the Book of One-Shots will only be updated as and when I am in the mood.

--

**Reviewing the Reviews.**

**00Midnight Siren00** ... I'm sorry you feel that way. I did say the translations for the names are to my best knowledge based on the books. Sasuke means 'duck head' only in the Naruto universe. Litterarily, it really means 'stab'.

**Blue Romance** ... I wish I could watch you throw furniture around the house. I know! I'll wait three years before updating again! Please post your hellish destruction on Youtube now!

_--_

_**Story 3 : (Untitled) Short Godaime/Shizune scene.**_

_Ohhhh_ ... that feels _so_ good ... How long has it been since I've felt this good? . Hey, being _top dog_ ain't all its jazzed up to be. Well, no matter. You get used to the high-lows after you've been at it awhile. You probably won't _love_ it, but you get used to it.

_Ahhhh ... mmmm_ ... so incredibly ... indescribably ... good. You have _got_ to try this sometime. It's just what the doctor ordered. All my pains and all my cares just slipping away ... slipping away ...

It is the opening week of spring, the daffodils are out. Nothing is lovelier than to watch your world explode into all 537 colors of the rainbow. The Leaf Village is undergoing a tantalizing _drought_ as of late.

No dangerous criminals waffling around, no S-Rank missions coming in, food and medicine supplies have never been an issue, and our dear old friend _Orochimaru_ seems to have slithered into some hole. No one hath caught hide nor wind of that poor bastard in months.

Looks like all my _jounin_ are going to end up fat and lazy at this rate. But, hey, with all that's been happening, we all _should_ catch ourselves a break every now and then. And if I don't take advantage of this heavenly _darling_ of a day myself, then my name ain't –

"Lady Tsunade."

--

The blond woman twitched irritably at the call, kept her eyes closed and pretended to be far away in _wonderland_. Coming out to the bath house for a couple of hours is a great idea. Coming out to the _men's_ bathhouse after chasing them all out is an even better idea. No one would ever _dream_ of looking for her in here ...

"Lady Tsunade!"

... or so she thought. Twitching again, the blond woman lowered herself into a more comfortable position, quite obviously _not_ asleep. That girl is getting to be a bit too clever for Tsunade's liking. Every good leader needs a good administrator, but _that_ girl is _Hades' slavedriver_. It seemed that every time ol' Tsunade cut out for a little _R&R_, that cruel woman just _had_ to show up and spoil her fun.

"_Lady Tsunade!!_"

Alright, that does it. Tsunade sat bolt upright with a growl and a killer'z blaze in her eyes.

"_What is it, Shizune_!? More reports to go through? More paper crap to sign and stamp? More old _fogey_ stuff left over from the last Hokage to validify? More missions involving me sitting hunkered over my desk taxing my poor, poor brain cells to the point of ..."

She paused when she looked up to see her youthful admin smiling back at her, clad in nothing but a peach colored towel and her hair tied back in a tight ponytail.

"Lady Tsunade, I merely wanted to ask if I could _join_ you!"

The Fifth Hokage went red and glared blankly into space for a few seconds before making some sort of gurgling reply and dropping back into the bath.

Tsunade squinted suspiciously at the smiling woman as Shizune eased her naked body into the smoking hot bath with a comfortable sigh.

"_Mmmm ... _wow, this feels really good. A lot of the young girls in the village decided to bathe as well so the bathhouse is pretty crowded today. How _brilliant_ of you, my Lady, to _shoo_ all the men away from theirs' so that you and I can have a little privacy!"

_What is that girl up to_, Tsunade wondered.

Seeing Konoha at peace is a soothing sight to behold, seeing _Shizune_ at peace is downright _weird_. It gave Tsunade the _creeps_ just watching that big happy smile on her face.

_What? What does she want? What does that devil woman want to squeeze out of poor ol' me this time? She simply has to WANT something, otherwise it is not her! _

"_Ahem_. Lady Tsunade ..." Shizune began in a _firm_ voice. The Godaime's breath caught in her throat as their eyes met. She knew _instantly_ that she had fallen into a trap.

"I was reading an interesting backdated profile of a biochemical craftsman by the name of Shintetsu Sanboro that lived in our village years ago. Foreseeing how _troublesome_ it would seem for you to return to your office, I decided to _bring_ the office down to you instead! Now, about that craftsman ... his criminal record is almost spotlessly clean, save for a couple of statements, but these statements are really ... _Lady Tsunade_! Would you _please_ not dip your head _underwater_ when I am speaking to you!?"

_END_

_--_

Hey, I said it was going to be short. Just a purposeless little scene that slipped into my mind. Hope it was entertaining enough for a quick chuckle at least. The Tsunade/Shizune dynamic is fun to spectate, for me anyways.


End file.
